I did it! I apologized to the Bat! I’m about to watch it on TV!
The HERO Channel: June 14, – 3:55 PM Eastern
[On a publicly viewable TV monitor outside The HERO Channel studios and on cable-connected televisions all over the world, the scene is The HERO Channel’s broadcast studios with on-air personalities Kymm and Jay.]
Kymm: OK, Everyone! That’s all for Jay and me here at The HERO Channel, but before we go… [smiles at Jay, her co-host]
Jay: Are we finally going to tell our viewers what the special surprise is coming up on Bunni and Mike’s show?
Kymm: Yes! And boy, is this a big deal! But first I want to say what a sport Jay has been. For almost 4 hours now he’s been pretending like he knows what’s going on, helping me promote this event the whole time, but he doesn’t know what it is either! He’s about to find out too! Thank you, Jay, for being such a great partner!
Jay: Anything for you Kymm! I’m just excited to find out the big secret!
Kymm: Well, everyone, here it is. I need to say this first though. The event Bunni and Mike are going to bring you in a moment has already happened; it was recorded earlier.
Jay: So that means, everything is over and “there’s nothing to see here” as they say?
Kymm: That’s right, so don’t go flooding our switchboard with phone calls, don’t rush down to the studios to see, stuff like that. It already happened, and it’s over!
Jay: Hear that? All you kooks and loonies and PRIMUS agents and whoever! Stay away, ‘cause it’s over! Ok, Kymm, spill it! What’s over? What is it?
Kymm: Earlier today, we had a very special visitor surprise us and just walk into our studios and offer us an interview. This has never happened before so we didn’t know what to expect, but I’m told it went very well. I can’t wait to see it myself, I’ll probably just stay here and watch it so I don’t miss any of it.
Jay: IT WHAT?! SPILL already! Who was it?
Kymm: Remember the girl that hijacked the Bat and Blackwing from the Police a month ago? Everyone’s been talking about her and no one knows who she is?
Jay: Yeah, the red and black outfit, she totally flat-footed the cops? Wait, SHE WAS HERE?!?!? In the BUILDING? And you didn’t TELL me?
Kymm: She was here, and she calls herself Robyn, and she gave us an interview! It’s the first interview of a wanted super ever, so don’t miss it! Go to the bathroom, get a snack, whatever you have to do, but be ready! Coming up next: Bunni and Mike and the very first interview ever of the mysterious and totally cute Robyn! Bye bye, everyone! [smiling and waving]
[Program close scenery and credits play, two minutes of commercial break happens, then “Bunni and Mike at 4” program open scenery and titles roll.]
[Broadcast via The HERO Channel cable network at 4:06 pm, June 14]
Bunni zu Heltzer: [In a leopard-trim brown sweetie dress with leopard boots.] Hello everyone! Welcome to our show! Mike and I have a big surprise for you today!
Mike Adams: [In a black pull-over shirt, black and grey beach shorts and flip flop sandals] I’m here with Bunni and a minimal crew today. There is no studio audience. It’s not our normal production time. The reason for all of this is a few minutes ago we had a very special guest walk into our studios unannounced – no warning at all, which explains why I’m dressed like this – and offer us the opportunity to be the first to interview her. She’s an unsanctioned super – meaning the government doesn’t recognize her as a citizen or even a legal alien so she has no rights – and she’s wanted by the Police, PRIMUS, and even our own American Gladiator. No matter where she goes or what she does, she’s wanted by every law enforcement officer out there. This is the first formal interview of an unsanctioned super, ever.
Bunni: Team Liberty doesn’t acknowledge her, in fact nobody knows anything about her! She burst onto the scene about a month ago when she hijacked the Bat and Blackwing from dozens of police officers and 2 paramedics in the parking lot of the second precinct building. Nobody got any pictures of her at the time except those police dash-cam videos, but there were a lot of descriptions, so we know what she looks like…
[Bunni turns to look at the studio walls where several artist conceptions of Robyn in dark, blue-grey leotard with red bust are displayed.]
Bunni: There she is! Now, [turns back to the camera] these pictures do not tell the story. Mike is much too polite to say it, but I will. [mischievous grin] You all know what eye candy is, right? [smiles and nods, encouraging viewers to agree with her] Well let me tell you; this girl is deee-licious! Mmm-mmm-mmmm! [smiles so broadly she embarrasses Mike] Everyone has been looking for her, and now we have her!
Mike: We didn’t find her, she found us. And I will say I’m looking forward to interviewing this young lady. Now, so everyone knows; we are on a closed stage with a minimum crew and we are pre-recording this with no studio audience. That means you are seeing this after the fact so don’t rush down here to see her or search the place or anything. By the time this show airs, she’ll be gone. [looks back at Bunni]
Bunni: OK! Here she is; Ladies and Gentlemen all over the world, please welcome, the adorable ROBYN!
[1960’s Batman TV-show theme music plays and Robyn walks out from back-stage-right in a light-grey leotard with red bust and black thigh high boots, bicep length gloves and half-mask. A distinct difference from the displayed pictures is the addition of a Bat-utility belt, worn as a pair of garters high on her legs above the boots. She walks up onto the interview stage where Bunni and Mike turn to welcome her. Off-camera, the studio crew are cheering. Robyn is smiling and waving. She and Mike shake hands, then she and Bunni hug.]
Mike: Let’s get started, have a seat! [gestures Robyn to the middle of three tall stools. Mike sits stage left, Bunni stage right.]
Bunni: Wow! Here we are! Welcome to The HERO Channel! Welcome to our show!
Robyn: Thank you! And thank you for letting me do this! I’m just so excited!
Bunni: Well, so are we! Look at you! Heel boots and all colorful, and look at your earrings! You know, during the intro, I was telling our viewers how adorable you are! And such tone! By the way, how tall are you? You’re so tiny!
Robyn: I’m not really sure…
Mike: About 5 feet I’d say; maybe 100 pounds?
Robyn: [turns to look at Mike] You think?
Mike: [nods mutely]
Bunni: [grinning] You ok there, Mike?
Mike: Yeah,… just…
Robyn: [speaking quickly] I’m sorry, it’s my fault, I do that to people. I don’t mean to, it just happens. It makes it hard to talk to people, they just sort of lose it.
Bunni: Yeah, I noticed. What is it?
Robyn: I don’t really know, I just call it my ‘style.’ If I think about it and control it, then it doesn’t happen, but if I get comfortable or forget to control it, it just makes people go all stupid.
Mike: That’s flattering!…
Robyn: No! No! That’s not what I meant! I’m sorry!
Mike: [looking over her head as if in thought] Don’t worry about it. I see what you mean though suddenly, it’s easier to think. You must be controlling it now.
Robyn: Yes. I’m sorry.
Bunni: Relax! It’s ok! We’ll let you know if we’re having trouble.
Robyn: Thank you. I’m so sorry, I really do want to do this.
Mike: We’ll take care of it, don’t worry! So, what brings you here? Why did you want to do this interview?
Robyn: Well, really, I just want to apologize to somebody and I want him to see it but I don’t know who he is, but it’s really important. I made him mad and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too. I thought I was helping but they didn’t know so when I did it they got mad and they were right I should have told them… [stops short, pauses]… I’m doing it again, aren’t I.
Mike: [looking at her, visibly recovers]
Bunni: Yeah, wow your “style” really packs a wallop! You just draw people in! You’re so charming! Your parents must be very proud of you!
Robyn: [hesitates noticeably, shying away from Bunni]
Bunni: Oh, I’m sorry! They don’t know do they?!?!
Robyn: I, I don’t think so. I don’t,… [fretting]
Mike: Take a moment and we’ll go to a commercial break. [Bunni and Mike turn to look at the camera] Stay tuned everybody, we’ll be right back!
They were so nice to me! Mike stopped the cameras and he and Bunni apologized for rushing to camera and asked me what we could and couldn’t talk about and what I wanted to talk about. They really wanted to get me on the air! I know what a big deal it was for them and how much it meant to them, but they were so nice about it!
They apologized for scaring me too. I felt like I was under a microscope before they stopped, not like when the Bat looked at me in his hideout, but sort of like that. Anyway… oh, the commercial is over!
Mike: [standing alone on an empty stage in beachwear and flip-flops] The program you are watching is prerecorded. The guest you are about see interviewed was no longer in the building when this broadcast began. This interview makes no attempt to judge the guest in anyway; any conclusions reached about the guest are purely those of you, our viewers, and do not reflect the opinions of The HERO Channel, its management, owners, representatives or employees. We now return to our program.
[Blackout transition to the scene before the commercial break, everyone seated as before.]
Bunni: Welcome back everybody! We are here with Robyn, the young lady who captured the world’s attention when she single-handedly hijacked the Bat and Blackwing from the Gotham City Police department and the paramedics!
[Mike looking at camera-center, Bunni and Robyn looking at Mike.]
Mike: When we began the interview, we sort of rushed to camera without really knowing what we were going to talk about. We should clear that up now; during the break, we talked about it.
Bunni: Supers, as you all know, have a couple different stances about their normal identities; either they openly admit who they are to the world, or they want to keep their identity secret for a variety of reasons. Now of course we all want to know who they really are, Mike and I do too! And we’d love to ask Robyn questions to try to figure out who she is, but we won’t.
Mike: That’s right. Robyn has asked that we respect her privacy and Bunni and I are going to do that for a number of reasons. First, even though the government doesn’t recognize her rights, we feel like we should. We are not the Police or PRIMUS or any of those guys, so in that sense it’s not our job to investigate you [glancing over to Robyn].
Bunni: Now as reporters, everyone expects us to try to find out who you are and let our viewers know…
Mike: …which brings us to reasons two and three. Reason two is Robyn came to us to offer us an interview in exchange for the chance to deliver a message, a couple messages really, and we agreed not to injure her, in a legal sense, by prying into things like her identity. We’re interviewing, not investigating. Reason three, she is a minor. Now we are not going to tell you how old she is, that would tend to help identify her – even we don’t know her age. But the fact that she is a minor and here on her own without anyone to look out for her puts us in a position… well… gives us an opportunity to help you [glancing back to Robyn again].
Bunni: [Looking at Robyn] help in the sense that we are really giving you an opportunity here and we can do that without hurting you. So we won’t ask questions that, normally, we’d ask to be honest. So we are going to do everything we can to make sure you are safe here with us here today, OK?!
Robyn: Thank you! Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! You guys are so nice.
Bunni: [looking directly at Robyn] You are so welcome! You are such a charming young lady and it really is an honor to have you come to us like this.
Robyn: Thanks, both of you! I really do want to talk to you and to answer your questions and I know everyone wants to know about me and I want to tell them!
Mike: [now facing Robyn, looking at her] There are two… m… messages… that you want… to uh…
Bunni: [looking toward Mike, coaxing] Tooooooo…?
Robyn: oh I’m so sorry, it’s my fault, I’m doing it again, I’ll stop, I’m so sorry, I really do have to think about it or it just gets you.
Mike: no, [struggling for focus] it’s ok… we just have to… to focus [looking intently at Bunni]
Bunni: [still looking at Mike] messages…?
Mike: [grabbing the thought] Right! Messages! So… [looks at Robyn again) you wanted to deliver a couple messages. So… [looks at the ceiling over Robyn’s head, takes a breath] you wanted to apologize to someone? Let’s start with that.
Robyn: oh, yes! Thank you! I want to apologize to the Bat.
Bunni: [clearly surprised] The Bat?! Why? What happened?
Robyn: Well, I’ve been following them around watching them so I can learn how to be a super…
Bunni: Following them? Aren’t you part of their team?
Robyn: Oh gosh no! I want to be, that’s why I’m following them, so I can learn how!
Mike: Wait, you follow the Bat? And Blackwing? Can you fly?
Robyn: No! I wish! I mean I have a kite and I fly around with that but I can’t really fly.
Mike: Kite? You mean a hang-glider?!?! Is that how you follow them?
Robyn: Yes! Sometimes, yes, but not at first. At first, I just looked for them and tried to keep up, but it’s really hard! The Bat can swing a really amazing distance and…
Mike: Swing? Like the Spider? Don’t they fly or something?
Robyn: No, just Blackwing. The Bat swings from place to place and it’s just impossible to run that far that fast.
Bunni: You mean you were following them on foot?!?!?!
Robyn: Yes, at first! But it was so hard so I started recovering his swinglines so I could use them to follow him.
Bunni: How? You mean you started swinging after him? Like Jane following Tarzan?
Robyn: [giggling, smiling broadly] I guess, yes! I never thought about it! It’s so funny like that! So yeah, it was easier but it’s still really hard because he can swing so far and when I think I can match him, he does something new like change directions in the middle of a swing or some crazy long distance and I lose him.
Bunni: [flicks a glance in Mike’s direction] You’re doing it again.
Robyn: Sorry! I’ll stop!
Mike: [takes a moment, looks down to examine his knee] So… why him? Why the Bat? Why not learn how to be a super from some other super who might be easier to keep up with or even let you join them?
Robyn: Well… when I was little, I used to watch Batman movies and I’d read Detective Comics and it was always so fun to think about someone watching over us, protecting us from bad guys. Then the Poisoning happened and people who survived kind of turned into things that matter to them and then after that the Bat started going around and I thought, “Wow! What if he’s like the movies and the comics? You know? Like, if he became the Bat because protecting people really matters to him? Like he’s really this mysterious guy who’s really just protecting us all? So I followed him to find out and he is! [excitedly] He’s just like Batman! I watched him save those kids at the airport, those people were going to sell those kids like slaves somewhere. How awful! I wanted to help, but I was in my kite, and before I could get down it was over! He wrecked their plane so they couldn’t fly and then he beat them up so they couldn’t get away, and he had to leave because the cops were after him so he had to leave but he saved them! [beaming, smiling brightly]
Bunni: [astonished in sudden realization] Oh, my!… You love him, don’t you?!?! You’re in love with the Bat! [her eyes light up with excitement]
[Robyn is shocked, becoming dismayed]
Bunni: [smiling with admiration] You are my hero, girl! I am so impressed! I mean, you see this guy… you want to find out if he’s for real or not… he’s really hard to check out, but you check him out anyway. [Pause] So you decide he’s for real… and you want to help him… [thinking for a moment] because he wants to protect people?!?! [eyes go wide] You want to protect people! And… that’s why you love him!!!! [Bunni’s astonishment gives way to open amazement, hands to the sides of her face]
Mike: That’s really impressive. Is it true? Is Bunni right?
Robyn: [pensively] I, I guess so…
Bunni: [has moved her hands to cover her mouth, still staring in open admiration]
Mike: So, this isn’t just some puppy-love crush. You checked this guy out and you let his actions do the talking… You’re serious! Does he know?
Robyn: [sounding worried] No… I don’t think so…
Mike: Wow. Well, I’m sorry we blabbed it all over the world this way…
Robyn: [anxiously] Do you think he’s watching?
Mike: [slowly] Oh yeah! [hesitates] If not right now, then,… onnnn Youtube or the news or something?!?!?!
Off-camera: [female voice] She’s doing it again.
Robyn: Am I? I’m sorry! I’ll stop!
Mike: Yeah, um… don’t worry about it. Uhhh… commercial break! We’ll be right back!
They were so nice about it. I feel so stupid. But they’re right, I’m in love with him. He’s going to hate me, I just know it! Oh Diary, what do I do?
[after commercials, the recorded disclaimer message plays again, followed by a blackout transition to the interview scene. Bunni and Mike are facing the camera with Robyn still seated between them.]
Bunni: Welcome back everyone! We are here with the very amazing, very charming, very talented young lady who [looks over at Robyn] rescued?!?!… the Bat and Blackwing?…
[Robyn’s face erupts in a broad, bright smile as she nods her agreement]
Bunni: [looking at the camera again] …from the Gotham City Police Department and two paramedics by herself a about a month ago! Now…
Mike: [also facing the camera] Just a moment, sorry Bunni, but I want to say something here. We are not trying to embarrass the Police or anyone else. It’s true about what she did, but I can tell you from personal experience sitting here in the studio, Robyn is very captivating. She’s gotten me at least three times and I know about it and she still gets me!
Robyn: I’m sorry! I really don’t mean it!
Mike: [glances briefly at Robyn] It’s alright, like I said, [points a thumb back at Robyn] very captivating, so the Police?… [dismissive gesture] totally understood. This is not a slam on them or their professionalism at all. I know I’m very proud of our Police and on behalf of The HERO Channel, our position here is that law enforcement organizations in general deserve the highest respect for what they do. Thank you, all of you, for protecting us the way you do.
Bunni: Yes, and that goes for me too. I want to apologize to the officers and paramedics who were involved that night. I don’t mean to offend you at all. It’s just that (looks at Robyn) what she can do is so amazing, her ability to do that is part of the story we are bringing you today.
Mike: Absolutely! Absolutely! Now Robyn, [turning her direction, looking intently at his hands as he gestures] this… style?… of yours… it’s not something you actively do, right, it just happens?
Robyn: Oh no! It’s not on purpose, it just happens by itself. But sometimes I let it go ‘cause don’t want to fight them but I don’t want them to fight me either. So sometimes I use it so I don’t have to fight but mostly it’s kind of a pain. It makes it so hard to talk to people, y’know?
Mike: [staring at his hands, nodding] Oh, I know!
Bunni: So… You’ve been learning how to be a super by following the Bat and Blackwing. You’ve watched them and you’ve decided they’re good guys. What is it you need to apologize for? Did you hurt them?
Robyn: No! I made him mad when I didn’t listen. They invited me to go with them one night and I was really excited but they were still hurt so bad so when I found out what they wanted to do I did it for them ‘cause they were hurt so bad.
Mike: Whoa! Hold up! Slow down! There are a million questions to ask. Hurt? From what? Was this after you rescued them?
Mike: OK, now this is the incident everyone wants to know about! Everyone is asking and guessing and now you can set the record straight. So, what happened to them exactly that you had to rescue them? How did the cops catch them? Supposedly they fought this guy Tor?…
Robyn: Yes, and it was awful! [voice squeaks] I thought he was going to get it but he just stood there like Superman or something and nothing hurt him. Then he made this tornado and threw them against the buildings. [voice cracking] I wanted to help, [sob] but I couldn’t move [voice breaks]. The Police showed up and couldn’t get out of their cars until he was gone. [begins to cry] He hit them with his hammer and threw them everywhere with his tornado. [heaving sobs] Then he just dropped them [wracking sobs] and he made this speech and left! [openly crying, shrinking in her chair] It was terrible! [voice trails off in a wail]
[Bunni, visibly moved, goes to comfort Robyn]
Mike: [turning to the camera] LET’s… take another commercial break. We’ll be back in two minutes, folks, don’t go anywhere!
Oh, I’m such a basket case! But I couldn’t help it, I just lost it. They were so nice to me though. I didn’t even realize Mike made a commercial for me. They were so helpful. Oh, he’s going to hate me…
[after commercials, Mike’s disclaimer message plays again followed by a blackout transition to the interview]
Bunni: [at Robyn’s side, holding her, speaking warmly to the camera] Welcome back everyone! We are here with the very real, very human, Robyn. We were discussing her heroic rescue of two people she feels very strongly about; the Bat and Blackwing.
Mike: [looking at the camera] Now, we’re not saying either way whether they are good guys or bad guys, but we respect the fact that Robyn believes they are good guys based on having actually followed them and watched them do what they do, right? Is that fair (looking at Robyn)?
[Robyn, wiping her eyes, nods agreement.]
Mike: [looking at the camera again] Just to put this out there; The HERO Channel also can’t say either way whether or not you [looking briefly at Robyn] are a good guy or a bad guy.
Bunni: [interjecting – to Robyn] Or girl in your case!
Mike: Right, or girl. But we are glad to have you here on the show and we thank you for coming.
Robyn: [clearly has been crying] Thank you again, thank you so much!
Bunni: Now, if I may, I want to try to help you finish telling the story you were trying to tell before the commercial, would that be alright?
Bunni: OK, real quick, this guy Tor beat up the Bat and Blackwing, right?
[Robyn nods sharply, emotion visible]
Bunni: …and because he was so powerful and has such a presence, neither you nor the Police were able to do anything about it?
[Robyn, visibly pained, nods sharply again.]
Bunni: but after he left, you were able to help, tell us what happened after Tor left.
Robyn: When he left the cops started getting out of their cars and had their guns and sort of crept up like they were afraid…
Mike: Which… is understandable considering their reputations…
Mike: No one really knows who they are, all anyone knows is that when they do what they do, people get hurt, so the Police had to be careful. I mean they are always careful, but especially with the Bat and Blackwing.
Robyn: [voice squeaky] But they only attack badguys!
Mike: You know that, but the Police don’t, or didn’t, so they had to be careful.
Robyn: [emotionally] But they didn’t have to kick them! They were hurt and they just started kicking them! [sobbing]
Bunni: [speaking softly] Were they kicking hard? Like attacking them?
Robyn: [struggling for control] No. Not hard really, just…
Mike: [following Bunni’s lead, speaking softly] Were they checking for response? Seeing if they were conscious?
Robyn: [voice edgy] I guess so, they were reaching out sort of kicking at them, so yeah, I guess so.
Bunni: [still softly] OK, let’s back up a bit. So after Tor left, the Police got out of their cars?
Bunni: and they approached very cautiously… like we saw on the Police videos?…
Robyn: [pauses, then nods]
Bunni: and you saw the kicking and you knew they were hurt?…
Robyn: [visibly emotional, nods sharply]
Bunni: OK, now at this point you see a need and you want to help. What happened?
Robyn: [still emotional, speaking with difficulty] I was on the roof across the street, and I saw them take their belts and the ambulance guys came up and started to do stuff and I realized I was standing up and that I could move but I was still wobbly but I could move. [recovering] I didn’t really know what to do but I jumped down to the street and then when I started to go to them I knew what I was going to do. [brightening] I just let it loose and went across the street like I was Queen of the Prom and walked right up to those officers and said “Hi!!!” [demonstrating her mega-smile through teary eyes, waving a hand]
Bunni: [smiling, claps her hands together] I LOVE IT! Just breeze right in like the star of the show!
Robyn: [turns to Bunni] Yeah! [sniffling] Sensei says I “sashay,” I just let it loose and laid it on them!
Bunni: [grinning broadly] So you used your style and they lost it?
Robyn: [wiping tears, sniffling] Yep! Every one of them!
Mike: So… no fight, no argument… nothing?
Robyn: Nope! I just asked them to help me rescue them and they did it!
Bunni: So really, it was like the Police said? You… asked them to move them… to the ambulance?
Bunni: Then his car comes up…
Robyn: [suddenly excited, eyes wide] YES! Oh it’s such an amazing car! You should see it! It’s beautiful! I didn’t know what it was at first then I saw the wheels and saw the bats and I knew so I asked them to move them to his car, and then I got in and suddenly I didn’t know what to do but I figured out it was running ‘cause it just came here so then I was gonna drive cause I knew where their hideout was… I mean, I thought I knew, but I didn’t want everyone to follow me cause then everyone would know where it was so I was stuck and then it started talking to me and it asked me if I was going with them and I said yes and it took off!
Off-camera: [female voice again, interrupting] I think she’s doing it again
Robyn: Doing? [looks at Bunni, then Mike who is mutely focused on her with rapt attention] Oh! Oh no! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.
Bunni and Mike: [who is collecting himself] No, no! It’s ok, it’s a fascinating story! Please…
Mike: [sharply turns his head looking off camera] What?… Oh, yeah… (turns to the camera, we are going to take a short break for our sponsors, we’ll be right back!
Bunni: [waving at the camera] Don’t go anywhere!
Oh, they were so nice to me! I hate that I kept doing that to them. I just got so excited, I forgot I was doing it. I have to learn to control it better.
Anyway we talked about what we were gonna say next and about not telling any secrets so the Bat wouldn’t get mad and so I wouldn’t get into trouble. They were really nice to me!
[commercials, Mike’s disclaimer airs again, with the same blackout transition.]
Bunni: Welcome back everybody! As you know, today we have with us a very special, charming, sincere young lady who has some amazing talents and abilities. Her name is Robyn… (turns and looks directly at Robyn) that’s not your real name is it?
Robyn: [Jumping forward in her seat] No! [restraining herself] My real name’s not Robyn, I call myself Robyn because of the comic books, but I spell it with a “y.”
Bunni: So it’s R-o-b-Y-n?
Bunni: OK! Now… you were telling us about rescuing the Bat and Blackwing and we want to get back to that, but we want to be careful here. We don’t want to get you into any trouble.
Robyn: Thank you! Thank you for being so nice!
Mike: Our pleasure! So! You got the Police and the paramedics to help you move the Bat and Blackwing to his car…
Mike: And then the car took over?
Mike: And it took you… where?!?!
Robyn: To their hideout.
Mike: Isn’t that where you were going to take them?
Robyn: No, I thought I knew where their hideout was but I the car took us to a completely different place that’s their real hideout.
Mike: So you’ve been in it? You got to see it! You’ve been there?
Robyn: Yes! It’s an amazing place! It’s got everything!
Bunni: What’s it like? Where is it?
Robyn: [looking worriedly at Bunni] Ummm…
Mike: [cutting in] No, don’t tell us that.
Bunni: Right, I’m sure we’d all love to know, but that would get you into serious trouble with your main squeeze (smiling broadly at Robyn), huh?
Robyn: Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen! [visible eye-roll]
Mike: OK, so once you got to this hideout, what happened?
Robyn: [hesitant, careful] Well we, um, he- they,… got,… um,…
Mike: Iiiiiiiiii……. think it’s time for another message from our sponsors!
Bunni: Right! [waving at the camera] Don’t go away, we’ll be right back!
Oh, I’m such a wreck…
[commercials, followed by mike’s recorded message, return to set, everyone as before]
Bunni: Welcome back everyone! We are here with the very interesting and courageous Robyn and we are talking about her rescue of the Bat and Blackwing.
Mike: [turning toward Robyn without looking right at her] OK, during the commercial, you and I talked and we agreed to skip over some stuff because it’s kind of awkward and its stuff about the Bat that you can’t really talk about…
Robyn: [nods agreement]
Mike: So, moving ahead a little bit, after you got to their hideout, and got them out of the car and got them situated and cared for, you talked? about what?
Robyn: Just basically that I saved them.
Mike: That’s it?
Robyn: Basically, yeah.
Bunni: [confused expression] So… why apologize?
Robyn: Oh! [excited, then stops to consider wording] Well, he thanked me for saving him. And then another time after that I was out watching for him and he surprised me and asked me if I wanted to go with them. [stops to consider again] So they asked if I wanted to watch them… [stops to consider] well, just… they had to get something and I was going to get to see how they did it.
Mike: OK. I don’t think we want to know what they wanted, that’s good enough right there. So why apologize? What happened?
Robyn: [brightening] Oh! I was supposed to just watch but I didn’t. I… [collecting herself] um… I went and got what they wanted for them?!?!
Mike: Is that why you have t… want to apologize? What’s so bad about that?
Robyn: He was afraid I would get us all caught.
Mike: [realization spreading across his face] Thaaaat makes sense! OK, so, you… hold up… you… they told you what they were after… what they wanted?…
Robyn: [carefully] sort of…
Mike: and where it was?
Robyn: [carefully, but less worried] Not really where, more like how to get to it.
Mike: But you still didn’t know where it was?
Robyn: [decisively] No!
Mike: But you knew enough… that you… you figured out how to get there and you got it for them? Whatever it was?
Robyn: [carefully] yes…
Mike: and because he didn’t know if you could do it, he was worried you’d get caught?
Mike: And that’s why you need to apologize?!?!
Bunni: OK! Well, now’s your chance, girlfriend! Be careful, right? Don’t blurt out any secrets, but have at it! You are on world-wide cable-television and he’s gotta be watching by now!
Bunni: If you’re ready! Go ahead! The floor is yours!
Mike: [pointing toward the camera] Look right at that red light over there, that’s the camera.
Robyn: [sits up straight and looks right at the camera] Mr. Bat? Mr. Blackwing? I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I know you wanted me to stay back and watch and learn, but you were still so hurt, and it hurt me to see you hurt so bad. I couldn’t just watch. After all the wonderful things I’ve seen you do to save people I know you’re good-guys and I wanted to help. I should have asked, I should have told you what I was going to do so you would know it was ok. I’m sorry. Please forgive me? [glances at Bunni and Mike again, inquisitively]
Mike: That ought to do it.
Bunni: That was wonderful! I hope he heard it and I hope he forgives you, it’s obviously very important to you.
Mike: [to Robyn] Can we cut to a commercial and then maybe we can talk about you for a little bit? Would that be alright?
Mike: Will you take us to the commercial?
Robyn: Sure! [looks at the camera] Ok, everybody! We’ll be right back after these messages!
Bunni: [waving at the camera] Don’t go anywhere!
Oh, that was such fun! Things seem to be going OK! I was worried there for a while but I guess it’s OK.
Oh, I’m in so much trouble!
[Mike’s disclaimer message, etc]
Bunni: Welcome back everybody! Once again, we’re here with Robyn, the girl everyone has been talking about for the last month! Whether you like supers or not, you have to like Robyn! She is so real!
Mike: We’ve never gotten to really get personal with any of our super guests before, so this has been a real treat! Thank you again for being here!
Robyn: Oh my pleasure! This has been great!
Bunni: Wonderful! Now, we wanted to talk about you for a bit, but again, we don’t want to take advantage of you or get you into any trouble. So, can we talk about your powers? What you can do?
Robyn: I guess so, sure!
Mike: How did you become a super? How did you know, I guess, is what I’m asking?
Robyn: Well I drank that Fructosion stuff, and I guess everyone that lived through that becomes a super.
Mike: When w–, no don’t answer that, don’t tell us when. [thinks for a moment] Did you know right away what your powers were?
Robyn: Not really, no. I don’t think I have any powers really, I just sort of got way better at what I was already good at. I mean I was good at sports, now I’m really good, I was sort of popular and shy, now I guess I’m really popular, at least on the news. I was always a good student, now I just remember everything so I don’t even have to study.
Bunni: So what are your powers? What about this “style” of yours that wipes people out?
Robyn: [looking surprised and enlightened] Yeah, I guess that’s a power! But it’s really kind of a pain.
Bunni: Did you get that when you “drank the punch?”
Robyn: Eeewwwwwwww!! That makes it sound so gross!
Bunni: Yeah I suppose so! So what else makes you a super? You told us you learned how to swing by following the Bat, what else?
Robyn: I don’t know… I mean… I’m kinda strong, not real strong… I’m fast… I can run really well… I’m a black belt!
Bunni: You got all that from the punch?
Robyn: [giggling] No, I had to study for that!
Mike: What art? Or can you tell us?
Robyn: Kung Fu, An Chi, and Ninjitsu.
Mike: Wow! So are you a Ninja?
Robyn: Yes! Kunoichi, actually.
Bunni: What’s a Kunoichi?
Robyn: It’s a girl Ninja. She is a master of strategy and stuff like that.
Bunni: What do you mean?
Robyn: Well, she notices every weakness and uses it against her – enemies, I guess.
Mike: How many have you fought at once?
Robyn: I beat 8 at the same time by myself once! Right after they saved those children at the airport. It was so cool! So I started patrolling on my own and I saw these guys about to rob this couple, so I tried to do like the Bat does, so I Impersonated him and tried to scare them.
Robyn: Yeah! I dressed up so I looked like the Bat and then tried to act like he does to scare them silly!
Bunni: Did it work? Did they think you were the Bat?
Robyn: I guess so, but they weren’t scared at all! They just looked at me and then one was like, “There’s the Bat! Get him!” So they all came after me and one was on this motorcycle so I ran and hid in a building but they found me so I fought them and took their bike.
Bunni: You beat up all 8 of them by yourself and then took their bike?!?! [smiling, claps her hands together, bringing them up in front of her face] That’s awesome! I love it! [laughing]
Mike: Serves them right if they were really trying to rob that couple, how do you know they were going to rob them?
Bunni: Who cares? They were chasing her [points at Robyn], she had to protect herself!
Robyn: They knew I was a girl too! When they busted down the door to the warehouse, I wasn’t the Bat anymore and they saw me and they were gonna r—, they said, “Have some fun” with me.
Mike: Well good for you then! I’m glad you did it, glad you were able to protect yourself.
Bunni: So tell us, how did you impersonate the Bat? Is that something you can talk about? Is it ok?
Robyn: Yes! I’m really good at disguises! It’s easier if I just show you! Wanna see?
Mike: Can you do it here? Do you need to do anything? Do we need a commercial break?
Robyn: No! I can do it right here! [5 foot-nothing of Robyn leans forward to hop off her stool, she flourishes a cape out of nowhere, and a moment later 6 feet-2 inches of the Bat is standing on stage between Bunni and Mike who are staring in open amazement]
Robyn: [speaking from “the Bat’s” mouth] See!
[Bunni and Mike are both standing now, eyeing the Bat, slowly circling while the Bat slowly turns to let them see]
Bunni: That is amazing! Look how tall you are! That was the fastest change I’ve ever seen anyone do!
Mike: Is that a costume? Are you wearing a costume or is this a power or what?
Robyn: Oh no, it’s real! [“The Bat” takes off his cape and hands it to Mike] See?!?!
[Bunni watches as Mike examines the cape in stunned silence, glancing occasionally at “the Bat.”]
Bunni: How?!?!… Wow… Oh, Hey! Can you do something for me?
Robyn: Sure! What?
Bunni: [smiling mischievously] Pose with me so I can get some pictures with the Bat like we were on a date or something?!?!?!
Robyn: [giggling] Sure!
Bunni: [teasing] I promise I’m not trying to steal your man or anything!
Robyn: Yeah right! Like I have a chance!
[Bunni takes “the Bat’s” arm and they mug for the camera.]
Mike: [smiling] I think it’s time for a commercial break! First, I wanna shake hands with the Bat then we need to hear from our sponsors!
[camera pans and begins to roll back as Mike cuts in to shake hands, then Bunni and the Bat mug for more couples pictures for a few seconds before the commercial break]
I had so much fun posing with Bunni! She’s gorgeous! And she mad me feel like SUCH a big deal! And Mike made sure they were all such great pictures too! It was so much fun! I can’t wait to do it again!
[Mike’s disclaimer message runs after the commercials again. Blackout transition to the interview scene, everyone is seated with Robyn dressed as Robyn again. Mike still has the Bat’s cape.]
Bunni: Welcome back everyone! We are here with Robyn and we are having a great time! She is fun and talented and I even got to pose with her disguised as the Bat before the commercial break! Mike got to shake hands with the Bat! It’s been wonderful! Now… during the commercial break you told us this is really the Bat’s cape, is that right?
Robyn: Yes! I got it at the airport after he saved those kids.
Mike: [focusing mostly on the cape in his lap, occasionally flicking brief glances at Robyn] He left his cape?
Robyn: Not really, he threw it at the crooks to scare them! You should have seen them! They panicked! It was awesome! It was so scary I almost fell from my kite!
Bunni: Really?! He’s that scary?
Robyn: OH, he’s TERrifying!
Bunni: So afterwards you just grabbed his cape? Did you get anything else?
Robyn: I found like 4 Batarangs, I guess you’d call them.
Bunni: So you kind of have to scavenge to get your stuff?!?! Well I guess so, it’s not like you have your own money. Wait, you can’t just buy that stuff anyway, can you? [blushing]
Mike: Yeah, actually I saw capes and batarangs on sale at Walmart last night when I was looking for wax for my American Pryde shield. [general giggling ensues among the stage crew]
Bunni: Getting back to costumes, yours is different than everyone says it was the night of the rescue, were they all wrong?
Robyn: No, that’s what I was wearing! I just like to change things up, wearing the same thing all the time is boring.
Bunni: [eyes alight] You are SO right! I love that! So what do you do, do you have a wardrobe or a costume designer?
Robyn: No, I get all my own stuff for my costumes, different boots and gloves, different leotards
Mike: And your parents don’t notice all these clothes you never seem to wear?
Mike: [looking off-stage] No, I don’t! [turning to look into the camera] He said I must not have teenage kids. He’s right.
Robyn: My parents never go through my stuff anyway, but I keep my costume stuff separate; all those black leather boots and gloves would cause questions.
Bunni: I noticed when you disguised yourself as the bat earlier, you had a belt like this [points at Robyn’s garters] around your waist, does he have that?
Robyn: Yes, always!
Mike: [flicking another brief glance at Robyn] It’s a strange looking belt.
Robyn: It has all his tools… like, swingline and stuff? [halts awkwardly]
Mike: Some of the kids at the airport claimed he and Blackwing used smoke and grenades, is that true?
Robyn: [pauses momentarily, then relaxes] Yes, he keeps all that in his belt.
Mike: Do you have that stuff? Could you gas us or something if you wanted to? [distracts himself with gathering up the cape and folding it]
Robyn: Not really, I just have swinglines and some stuff I made. And some Batarangs.
Bunni: Where did you get yours? Your belts, I mean. I don’t see those anywhere in the police videos or the artist drawings.
Robyn: I didn’t have them then. I… the… they gave it to me, them, (touching her garters) the next day at their hideout.
Mike: You were there overnight? [calmly, while still folding the cape]
Robyn: [deer-in-the-headlights for a moment] The… i-i-i-i-it was late when we got there!
Mike: [grinning mirthfully, looking sidelong at Robyn] Was it a school night?
Bunni: [cutting in] Stop that, Mike! [flashes Mike a smile] OK, when you showed us your Bat disguise earlier, you still sounded like you, can you do voices?
Robyn: Yes, I do, just not his! I don’t think anyone can. It’s terrifying! I don’t think I can even try. I wouldn’t know how.
Bunni: Can you do me?
Robyn: Oh yes! [changes to mimick Bunni right down to her accent] Normally I do the whole thing to really be the whole person, but I just don’t know how to begin to do him. His voice…. I don’t know…
Bunni: [taken aback, blinking for a moment, recovers] That’s remarkable!
Robyn: [Still mimicking Bunni] Thank you!
Mike: Can you do me?
Robyn: [mimicking Mike] I think so, would it sound like this?
Mike: [blushing] Wow!!!
Bunni: [smiling] OK, why not the Bat, is his voice too deep or too loud or,…?
Robyn: [in her own voice] No, no! It just, it sounds like its coming from nowhere, like out of the darkness or something… [shivers visibly after a moment of pensive silence]
Mike: [after another moment of silence] I was going to ask you if I could have this [holding up the Bat’s cape] but if I did that, someone would break into my house trying to find it so here, take this, please! [hands the cape back to Robyn] We’d love to have you stay, but we have to edit this in time for broadcast. Can you come back another time? We’d love to talk to you again!
Robyn: Sure! When?
Bunni: Surprise us!
Robyn: That would be fun!
Bunni: Great! We’ll look forward to it! [she and Mike turn to the cameras] That’s the end of our interview, stay tuned for the rest of our show here in a few minutes! Don’t go anywhere!